WILL YOU BRING YOUR POT TO THE PLAYGROUNDS?

WILL YOU BRING YOUR POT TO THE PLAYGROUNDS?

I feel like I have been caught on the horns of a dilemma, or between a rock and a hard place, or up Schmidt’s Creek without a paddle! I have a huge problem!

In the City of Calgary, under the Cannabis Consumption Bylaw, cannabis may only be consumed on private property. Consumption of recreational cannabis is prohibited in any form (smoking, vaping, or edibles) in Calgary’s public places. This is the local law. If I choose to use, I can only smoke cannabis in our apartment. 

This seemed like a fairly straight forward regulation until I received a newsletter issued by the condominium board of my building. My condo policy forbids the smoking of marijuana in any suites or common areas of the building. What the hell am I going to do? My anxiety has raised my stress level to the point that I am going to have to commit a major assault on my liquor cabinet or find a place to have a puff! I think that my human rights have been violated. A man’s home is his castle: he just can’t smoke in it! I was almost on the verge of PTSD, when my creative mind developed a possible solution. 

The city in its infinite wisdom had earlier proposed that three city parks be designated as public marijuana consumption sites. It you can’t smoke at home, or in any public place then why not meet your friends in a designated park. Of course, the city fathers did not consider the relatively frigid climate we experience for six months, with below zero temperatures, heavy snow and freezing winds. The city knows best and will designate outdoor consumption parks.

Since users will be smoking “recreational” cannabis I will be proposing that we use currently designated recreational sites as consumption parks. And the city hosts hundreds of such sites called recreational playgrounds (how appropriate) in just about every school yard in the city. Every school yard can now become a vital element in every community. Local communities could create an atmosphere similar to the neighbourhood pub or bar. Of course, their use would be restricted to non school hours and mostly in the evenings. With some creativity, our recreational playground school consumption sites could become an alternative community centres. 

Three short term effects of cannabis use are increased talkativeness, loss of inhibitions and increased hunger. Influenced by these effects, participants could set up tail gate parties in the school parking lot similar to a sporting event and let the conversations begin. Food truck vendors would have another major market and community spirit would be at an all time “high”, so to speak! Perhaps there could be a portable sound system installed and a karaoke machine made available. Outdoor lights could be strung along the monkey bars and over the climbing apparatus. A dance floor on the tarmac would be another option. The more I consider this wonderful community project, the more excited I become.

I shall be forwarding my proposal to city council soon. “Bring Your Pot to The Playgrounds” will be our motto and If they do not accept my recommendation, then I shall be forced to claim that my human rights have been violated. If a man can’t smoke a joint with his friends and family in the pleasant surroundings of his neighbourhood schoolyard, why did we bother to legalize cannabis at all?