WHAT PUNISHMENT SHOULD FIT THESE CRIMES?

WHAT PUNISHMENT SHOULD FIT THESE CRIMES?

I was always a believer that the punishment should fit the crime. The punishment should be fair, yet punitive, and in some way relate to the offence. Missouri judge, Robert George, apparently agrees with me. George sentenced David Berry Jr to a year in jail for illegally killing deer, taking only their heads and antlers and leaving the rest of their bodies to rot. And while he's in jail, he's required to watch the Walt Disney movie "Bambi" once a month. In the 1942 animated classic, Bambi's mother is shot and killed by hunters. I think his punishment meets my criteria. 

Of course this situation stimulated my idling mind into action. What other creative punishments could I propose for some of the other crimes that haunt our society. I shall provide two options for each offence and let you, the reader, choose.

Drunken driving: If caught over the legal limit, the driver will have his car impounded for a month or have a large sign attached to the front doors and back window of his car reading, “Convicted Drunk Driver, Be Cautious.”

Speeding convictions: If caught exceeding the speed limit, the driver’s car will be impounded for one day for each km over the speed limit, or a regulator attached to the vehicle that will restrict its speed to a maximum of 40 kph for 40 days.

Theft and robbery: they total over 9 million reported cases a year in the US. The culprits must either be required to pay ten times the value of the stolen items in a given period of time or have their hands coloured with permanent orange paint that cannot be removed except by painful treatment (at their own expense).

Assault: anyone convicted of assault will be jailed and forced to listen to the music of Lawrence Welk or the songs of Barry Manilow for all 16 hours of their waking day or paint over all of the graffiti found on railway cars, by hand, using only a paintbrush. Although the punishment may not really fit the crime, the mental and physical punishment of either option might make them thing twice about a repeat offence. 

Graffiti “artists”: anyone caught painting graffiti on any public surface will be required to remove all traces of the graffiti at their own expense or pay to have it done, or suffer the discomfort of having any unused spray paint expelled into their anal orifice, to drive home the distastefulness of the practice of defacing public property.

Child molesters and pornographers: I have little sympathy for pedophiles or child molesters, so my three options are quite simple. The first option is castration, the second option is emasculating and the third option is neutering. I definitely don’t think that endlessly watching the Bambi movie would be appropriate punishment!