DO YOU EVER CARRY EXPLOSIVES IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?

DO YOU EVER CARRY EXPLOSIVES IN THE TRUNK OF YOUR CAR?

The other day I put on my hard hat, my steel-toed working boots, my safety vest and my Clint Eastwood squint and telephoned my automobile insurance agent. My auto insurance for my 2008 eleven year old Avalon sedan had increased from $850 to $1300 per year. My 53% increase in premiums was obviously a clerical error and I though I should rectify the mistake. I needed to be appropriately dressed for the encounter.

I alerted my agent to my miscalculated insurance rate, and was floored when he calmly informed me that there had been no error. I responded by bringing him up to date with my driving record - no accidents, no claims, and no demerits on my driver’s license over my entire driving career. He indicated that rates were not based upon individual driving records but on the statistical averages of all accidents, claims, and driving violations of all policy owners with the company. I counterpunched by indicating that I was not interested in being “average” when insurance fees were determined, I wanted a tailor made rate. When he stopped laughing, he further assaulted my intelligence. 

He informed me that I lived in Calgary, the city with highest accident and stolen car rate in the province, and implied that I might have had something to do with this statistic, although I referred him back to my impeccable driving history. He counterattacked by informing me that I was over 75 years old and that older drivers were bigger accident risks because of declining health issues. I told him I could get a doctor’s letter vouching for my good health, but he just chuckled. My argument that older drivers do not drive nearly as much as young, action oriented teens and Millennials, seemed to hold no water. 

Finally I thought that I had found a foolproof argument to advance my case. I informed him that I would sell my car to my wife who was nowhere near 75 years old and that should significantly decrease my rate. Before I could wipe off my smirk of satisfaction, he informed me that it wouldn’t matter, as I would still be registered as an occasional driver and the rate wouldn’t change!

I accepted my defeat and began to seek insurance with another company. This, of course, was no simple process either. A 30 minute grilling by a rival agent finally resulted in a new quote that was almost exactly $550 less that my previous one. Of course, I did have to sell a significant portion of my soul! I promised never to ride with dynamite or explosives in my trunk, never to accept payments for any rides I gave, never drink or even think of drinking and driving, never transport farm animals or illegal immigrants over the borders of the US or Mexico, never participate as a getaway car driver and finally, never, never wash my car with corrosive chemicals that might wash away and contaminate any First Nation lands! I made these promises with my fingers crossed, but the questions you need to answer when applying for auto insurance are incredulous!

Next year, after some more research, I will be undertaking a new strategy for cheaper insurance. Apparently, if you own a classic car, ie over 25 years old, and drive it sparingly, you can get an all inclusive policy for about $300. Ultimately, I will be recommending that all my senior friends should drive senior vehicles and pay low senior rates, while juniors can drive hopped up monster cars and pay hopped up monster rates through the nose! That is the only fair solution! Are you with me?