DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE “BIG FUNERAL”?

DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE “BIG FUNERAL”?

I recently attended two different prayer services for two former colleagues who had passed away. They were both very different for a number of reasons, and upon reflection, they caused me to wonder further about the reason we have public prayer services or celebrations of life for the newly deceased. For many, the answer is obvious, but I am currently struggling with the issue. 

Both services were for colleagues that I worked with over forty years ago. One was attended by a small number of people, (32 in fact, 16 family and 16 “friends” - I counted). The service was simple and short with two tributes paid to the deceased by his two children that were very sincere and genuine. Their tributes helped me to know their father in a light that I had not experienced as a working associate, that made me feel very comforted. 

The second service attended by about 300 was more orchestrated and complex. It included musical selections, a taped message from the deceased, three lengthy and genuine tributes, a slide presentation and a large social gathering following the service. The entire event was very respectful, engaging and with more of a feeling of celebration than a prayerful event. Both services were emotional, paying a final farewell to two friends. 

Their distinct differences led me to reflect on a number of issues. Which was more meaningful? Is the number of guests some sort of reflection of the “impact of the deceased’s life”? Is the purpose to pay tribute, comfort the family, allow others to say, “Goodbye”, or some kind of measure of the deceased’s contributions to their world? Is it a religious ceremony or a social farewell? Is it a truly meaningful event or an obligatory ritual for most of the attendees? I am not trying to be disrespectful for either service, I am just struggling with my own view of the two services. 

The traditional Catholic funeral is usually a three part event, with an evening prayer and tribute focus, a funeral mass, and a graveside service followed by a social gathering. More often I read or see that many people have chosen not to follow this traditional ritual, but simply have a private family service or no service at all. It seems to me that this change is sparked by families who are also questioning the meaningfulness of the Big Funeral, and the accompanying expense. Of course, there is no “one answer fits all” explanation, about how we deal with death and funerals, but I still need to do a lot more reflection.

If you can help me with my quandary please let me know.