WHY DO WE WAIT SO LONG?

WHY DO WE WAIT SO LONG?

It happened again just recently. President George H. W. Bush passed away and the tributes began to roll in from all corners of the globe. His life history and his personal achievements filled the airways, the Internet and the news outlets. During the past few decades, he has lived in relative obscurity and peace, but after his death he has been painted as an amazing man, with many admirable qualities. I don’t doubt the sincerity of the accolades, but I am always a little saddened that people must wait until someone has died in order to pay them the respect and admiration that they have earned throughout their lives. Why do we wait so long?

After I attend a funeral, I am often saddened with the feeling that I am not sure how well I really knew the deceased. Eulogies and tributes by family and friends paint a very comprehensive picture of the person and often reveal many aspects and elements of the person’s life that I hadn’t known. I often feel that it would have been wonderful if the person had been paid those tributes while they were still alive so that they might be able to hear how others thought of them and loved them. Why do we wait so long?

After a person passes, our society usually reverts to two primary practises. First, an obituary is posted in the local press announcing the passing, including some information on the deceased and forthcoming funeral arrangements. I have often thought that a person who is aging, but still living, should perhaps insert a pre-obituary letting people know that he is still alive and would love to reconnect with many former friends and acquaintances before his life is over. Perhaps he could indicate that he is available for a phone call, an email, an invitation for coffee or lunch and an opportunity to share some personal time with friends who have been out of touch. Perhaps this is an uncomfortable idea, but just think of the joy we experience when a friend from the past reaches out to contact us. I have always found it very uplifting to make reconnections. Perhaps we need to instigate a pre-obituary practise for just that reason. What do you think?

Secondly, funeral services have also become very routine. A religious service is usually provided, tributes are paid to the deceased and a lunch is often served. I attended a service where the man who passed away, had written a small note of thanks and appreciation that was read during the service. It was very unusual, but very powerful. This might also be considered as an option. Recently, a good friend passed away and I was asked to write a tribute. While he was in hospice care, I read my tribute to him while he was still alive so that he would hear first hand how I felt about him as a friend. It meant a lot to both of us. I don’t know if this happens very often but I believe, when possible, it is probably a good idea. What do you think?

If there is a bottom line to this rather “downer” entry, it is that we do need to remember to stay in touch with old friends, offer compliments more often and let people know how important they are to us on a regular basis. Amen!